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Friday, July 19, 2013


I have so many why questions running through my mind.  They might be selfish questions but they are questions anyway.  Here goes...

Why do I do the things I do?
Why do I pour out into others live?
Why do I feel like no one pours into my life?
Why do I carry burdens that are not mine?
Why do I care so much?
Why am I introverted?
Why do I need time to myself,
Why do I run?
Why do I complain?
Why do I isolate myself?
Who do I put myself in places to be emotionally hurt?
Who do I care?
Why Why Why?

Selfish questions, maybe?  I do think one of the answers is this.  I am to be obedient to the Lord regardless of the outcome and response of another.  Why is this so difficult?  I think because we want glory and honor for ourselves.  Sin runs deep.  The enemy is relentless in discouragement.  He knows right where we lust and that is the area he bring temptation.  When we have fallen into that temptation and sin-he brings condemnation and discouragement.  Many times we believe and wallow in defeat. 
For me anyway, it comes back to being obedient.  I do what I do because I love the Lord.  I pour out in other's lives because He has poured out in mine.  I can only give out what He gives to me.  When I don't see the changes or results I desire, for some reason I think I need to pray harder or do more. If I don't pray this situation will get worse.  It is all about me and my prayer. (Sarcasm)  Really, what is the purpose of prayer? What is the purpose of our life?  Getting back to basic here- we are but a worm and a great sinner.  Our life is a vapor and we are just passing through.  This life is about Jesus, His glory, and Him alone.  Prayer is about worship, getting to know the King, surrendering ourselves to His will.  In prayer we don't change God's mind and conform Him to our will.  We worship Him and He changes our heart to His.  He conforms us to His image.  That is the goal of this Christian life.  Jesus is making us like Him.  Sometimes I get caught up in a problem or burden and I lose sight of Christ in praying for or through the situation.  In some sense I feel it is my responsibility to pray or the situation will because worse and out of God's control.  I don't consciously think this way but in reality I find myself here.

I find myself miserable.  I can't sleep, I eat everything in sight.  I'm undisciplined and I am going through the motions.  It seems everything I say is wrong in the sight of others and I find myself sitting in criticism.  I am not complaining here.  I see this as incredible mercy.  Otherwise I would continue going in my own direction.  If I was not miserable, I would never look up.  I am too self sufficient for that. 

So I am sitting in mercy today. Writing this blog has helped.  I will share with you because I don't believe I am alone in this struggle of control.  I believe some of you struggle as well and maybe you do not know the reason of your misery. 

We serve a good God, who will not allow us to continue going in our own direction.  Many times we think direction is a physical thing but with me it is always a way of thinking.  Sin always begins in our thoughts.  Once we believe a lie with our mind, our hearts grab onto the thought and our feet carry it out.  What incredible mercy for God to make us miserable before our feet carry out our plans. 

The answer is simple..coming to the end of our self.  Crying out for mercy and waiting for Him to bring His presence.  God does not turn away a humble heart. 

He gives each of us a gift and we are to use those gifts.  He has given me the gift of discernment and encouragement.  I love using my gifts.  I love pouring out on others and seeing them succeed..  What incredible joy that is!  What a joy to see the Lord being glorified in another life.  What privilege to see potential in another and point them in that direction.  What a thrill beyond understanding to see them glorying God and walking with Him.  That is shouting to my soul! 

I get discouraged when I start believing I am responsible for this situation.  What a lie from the enemy and what a weakness in my flesh.  We are responsible for nothing except our humble relationship with the Lord. 

The LORD your God is in your midst, the Mighty One, will save.  He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Can you rest in that today?  I know I can!